You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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