Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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