i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
