I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
