Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
