nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
