I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
