Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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