I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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