I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
