wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
