doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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