operation harelip BJ is a go
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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