I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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