I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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