I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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