Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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