Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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