On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I look better un-naked...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
