The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
