thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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