Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I will die if light touches me.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
