There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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