I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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