Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
