Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
