Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
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