I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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