I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
