I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
