we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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