I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Four minutes until I can fart!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
