Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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