first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
