First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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