I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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