I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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