One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
