handjob tips. give me some.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
