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can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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