O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
