thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
