I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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