There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
