I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
