I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
