Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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