I wanna bring you to show and tell
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
