she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
