hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
