sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You may now shotgun with the bride
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
