Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
