i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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