i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
