Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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