So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
