Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
