Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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