this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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