Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
