She said her name was "party"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
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Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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