You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
