We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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