your thong is hanging out like whoa
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
