He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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