I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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