Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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