I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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