There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
