Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
