So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
