Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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