Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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