My first STD was from a foam party
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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