does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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