You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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