Already got asked if we're dating
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
