please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
