The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm bleeding and have questions
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
