YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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