"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hippo gnu deer
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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