6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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