so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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