someone get that fucking seahorse.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
